Autumn Isn’t Magical—It’s a Mess (And That’s Okay)

This post was posted on October 30th, 2025. It was written at least a week prior to that. Enjoy!

The truth is, I don’t know if I actually like autumn. I don’t know if I ever have.

Sure, it looks good on Pinterest. Leaves turn burnt orange, people wrap themselves in cozy scarves, and everyone suddenly decides they’re a soup person. But if I’m being honest, autumn always sneaks up on me with a kind of emotional weight I can’t shake off.

Growing up, autumn meant school starting—and school, for me, was never an escape or a haven. It was rough. It was pressure. It was the end of freedom. So, even now, autumn carries that memory: the tightening in your chest as you realize another summer is gone and you’re back in the cycle of deadlines, stress, and trying to hold your life together with a to-do list.

And now? I’m in this life stage where I don’t even know what tomorrow will look like. I’m job hunting. I’m about to start my master’s degree. I have no idea if I’ll be able to pay rent next month. My whole life feels like a question mark.

I want to go to that Halloween event everyone’s talking about. I really do. But it’s paid. There are time slots. And what if I get scheduled to work a night shift? What if I have class? What if I simply don’t have the money or energy to go? I’m in this phase where everything feels like a “what if,” and making plans just feels… impossible.

It’s hard to enjoy autumn when you wake up dreading the day, unsure of what new challenge or change is coming. And while last year had its own uncertainties, there was less pressure. This year? The pressure is thick. It’s personal, it’s financial, it’s existential. And no, I can’t get into all the details, but it’s there—lingering like the cold air that hits you before the sun rises.

And let’s talk about the weather. Where I live, it literally snowed on October 1st (or was it the 2nd? It doesn’t even matter). It didn’t last, but it was still a slap in the face. Cold weather arrives fast here. And once it starts, it doesn’t let up. We even had snow in April this year. While the rest of the world was slipping into spring, I was slipping on ice.

Autumn in colder places is tough. The days get shorter quickly. The sunlight vanishes. You wake up and it’s dark. You leave work and it’s dark again. Last year, I had to walk to my office job in -5°C. Try that in snow boots, dragging yourself through ice just to start a shift you’re not even sure you enjoy. That’s not romantic. That’s survival.

Everyone loves to romanticize autumn. The aesthetic. The pumpkin spice. The cozy nights in. But not everyone can afford to live like that. Some of us are struggling. Some of us can’t make plans, can’t relax, can’t light a candle and pretend the world outside isn’t freezing over—literally and metaphorically.

And don’t even get me started on Christmas or New Year’s. That’s a rant for another day.

So no, autumn isn’t always magical. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. Sometimes it’s just a season you try to get through without falling apart. And that’s okay, too.

Not everything has to be aesthetic. Sometimes it just has to be honest.