Why I Can’t Create Anymore (Maybe I Can, But It’s Different Now)

Okay, so today we have to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while now—why is it that I can’t really create anymore? And I don’t mean that I’ve stopped completely. I mean that kind of creative hunger I used to have as a teenager—the urgency, the intensity, the obsession with finishing edits or chapters or boards. That feels… gone. Or at least, very far away.

I bring this up because the internet just invented the most unexpected crack ship—Regina George from Mean Girls and Roderick Heffley from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yes, really. And yes, I love it. It’s weird, but I love it. And it reminded me of the kind of thing I would’ve latched onto immediately when I was younger. I would’ve written ten different AU one-shots and made fake Spotify playlists in thirty minutes flat.

Last night, I did actually make a little edit. It was something I’d imagined a while ago. Didn’t turn out exactly how I pictured it, but I’m still proud of it. I haven’t edited anything in forever, and just getting it out of my system felt… kind of huge. But it also made me wonder—why did this feel so foreign? Why did something that used to come so naturally suddenly feel like such a struggle?

So I’ve been trying to list out the possible reasons behind this. I haven’t come to a proper conclusion yet, but these are the main factors I keep circling back to:

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1. The 4G Myth

When I was a teenager, I didn’t even have access to 4G. But somehow, I was still incredibly creative. I would write offline (back when Wattpad worked fully offline—yes, it still kind of does). So at first, I thought maybe internet access ruined things. But that theory doesn’t fully hold up. I still wrote a ton even when I did have 4G, well into my early twenties. So no, I don’t think fast internet is the enemy. Though yes, turning off your 4G does help your battery.

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2. The Reading Decline

Back then, I read a lot. I was that kid who brought books to school, the one who had an actual library card and actually used it. I kind of miss her. But even during university, when I wasn’t reading as much, I still managed to write. I still had ideas. I still made aesthetics, I made my own covers, I created worlds. So I don’t think it’s the lack of reading either—not entirely.

(Also, side note: I just remembered I need to return a book to the library. Writing that down before I forget.)

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3. Writing in Snatches

Something else I noticed: back then, I had very limited time to write. And weirdly enough, that helped. I remember being like 18 and ditching school to spend an hour at the library writing chapters for my story Foundations. I’d walk there during my free block (which technically was supposed to be music class, but we weren’t doing anything in there), and I’d write. Just… write.

The chapters were short—maybe 500 words each—but I’d push out one, sometimes two, in just over an hour. No incognito mode, no fancy app. Just a blank page and the pressure to finish something. Maybe it was that kind of focused window that made me write more. Maybe restraint fuels creativity.

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4. Having Too Much Time

Then I got my own computer at 19. I had all the time in the world. And I still wrote. So it’s not like having more time automatically kills creativity. It didn’t back then. But now… it’s like I have time, and ideas, but zero drive. Or too many ideas and not enough spark. I don’t make character boards anymore. I don’t get excited over fake book covers. I feel buried under 50 drafts yelling finish me, and my brain just shuts down.

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5. Instant Gratification (AKA AI)

This one’s tricky. Ever since I started using AI to write, I’ve noticed something shift. It’s not that I think, what’s the point? AI can just do it for me. It’s more like… now I know I can get what I want to read with very little effort. And that kind of instant gratification makes it hard to sit down and struggle through the slow, messy process of creating.

And AI writing feels like such an adult thing. Teenagers might use it to cheat on homework or whatever, but they don’t use it to create like this. Adults do. Adults use it to meet deadlines. Adults use it to make content. Adults use it to function. And I guess part of me misses the chaos of not knowing what I was doing, just throwing words onto a page and making it mine.

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The Bigger Thing: Growing Up

I think that’s the core of it. All of these little reasons are part of something bigger. I’m not a teenager anymore. I haven’t been since I turned 18, and even though I’m still young, I don’t feel that way online. I look at things like the Regina x Roderick trend—something that would’ve defined my Tumblr blog for weeks—and I feel… disconnected. Like I’m on the outside of something I used to belong to.

I have ideas. But I also have pressure. To finish. To stay relevant. To not let my stories age out of their fandoms. And it’s like, the more I try to force myself to create, the more it slips through my fingers.

I don’t know. Maybe this is part of growing up. Maybe it’ll change again. Maybe I’ll find my way back. Or maybe I’m just in a different creative era. But I wanted to say it out loud. I wanted to name it. Because something about saying it helps. A little.

And maybe, maybe that’s still creating.